Lazy Evaluation Ranch
Excuse me friend but may I ask what on earth induced a goat to be called Soup-Nose?

WE DO NOT TALK ABOUT THE SOUP INCIDENT.

Our goats are now visible from space!  In Google Earth imagery from last year, Soup-Nose and Tesseract may be clearly seen grazing in their pasture, next to the comparatively-pristine chicken run and freshly-gravelled path.

Our goats are now visible from space!  In Google Earth imagery from last year, Soup-Nose and Tesseract may be clearly seen grazing in their pasture, next to the comparatively-pristine chicken run and freshly-gravelled path.

And now, Goats Dressed As Supernatural Characters, and one Very Confused Background Peacock Dressed As Himself But More Confused. Photos by David Bliss.

8/10 Today we learned that, unfortunately, the Man in the Lobster Print Shirt would not be able to adopt the two feral cats who don’t know How To Feral and whisk them away to the magical land of Nevada to live in a house and get All The Pettings.

I told the Small Grey Lump That Goes Meow nobody loved him, and he was all, “Oh yeah? What about your foot?”

I told the Small Grey Lump’s Brother that nobody loved him, and he was all, “Oh yeah? What about this post?” At least until Tesseract chased him away from her favorite head-scratching post, anyway.

8/9 Today Gracie the Sheep got out of the back pasture by the deviously clever method of not noticing some barbed wire, plowing straight through it, and plodding onward with the wire stuck in her fleece. Eventually she got it snagged on a tree trunk and had to be rescued.
Cody the Sheep is a sneaky fellow when he wants to be, but I’m reasonably sure Gracie was created in a laboratory by scientists working with the Council For The Furtherance Of Stereotypes About Sheep Intelligence.

8/9 Today Gracie the Sheep got out of the back pasture by the deviously clever method of not noticing some barbed wire, plowing straight through it, and plodding onward with the wire stuck in her fleece. Eventually she got it snagged on a tree trunk and had to be rescued.

Cody the Sheep is a sneaky fellow when he wants to be, but I’m reasonably sure Gracie was created in a laboratory by scientists working with the Council For The Furtherance Of Stereotypes About Sheep Intelligence.

What's your cider making process?
Anonymous

image

Who dares inquire into the secret origins of Doctor Tesseract’s Discount Novelty Goat Intoxicant?!

image

Is that you, Tesseract? I assure you, we are not using your likeness without compensation. That is some other goat named Tesseract. We know loads of ‘em.

The goat on the bottle of Doctor Tesseract’s Discount Novelty Goat Intoxicant is obviously not you, because she is wearing glasses. And has a doctorate in … not the same thing you have a doctorate in. Obviously.

Just in case you’re Tesseract, I’m going to put our cidering process behind a Read More, cause you goats cause enough trouble without getting into bootlegging.

Read More

8/8 Our figs are the most delicious figs in the entire universe, but the thing where sometimes they grow mouths and sing Celine Dion’s “My Heart Will Go On” at passerby is kind of weird, to be honest.
Te duck pond still has some muck at the bottom, but the drainage ditch in the sheep pasture is dry, so the Blue Haired Girlfriend dug it a little deeper.
Either the goats are chasing frogs with their flamethrower again, or the sheep are eating all the groundcover. We’re seeing some bare ground, and worried that when the rains start, the entire pasture is gonna be doom-flavored mud and miserable soggy livestock.
We’d like to refence the back pasture and let them back there, which would hopefully give them enough land that they couldn’t destroy it all. Until the goats build a much larger flamethrower, anyway. Not sure if we’ll be able to this year, though.

8/8 Our figs are the most delicious figs in the entire universe, but the thing where sometimes they grow mouths and sing Celine Dion’s “My Heart Will Go On” at passerby is kind of weird, to be honest.

Te duck pond still has some muck at the bottom, but the drainage ditch in the sheep pasture is dry, so the Blue Haired Girlfriend dug it a little deeper.

Either the goats are chasing frogs with their flamethrower again, or the sheep are eating all the groundcover. We’re seeing some bare ground, and worried that when the rains start, the entire pasture is gonna be doom-flavored mud and miserable soggy livestock.

We’d like to refence the back pasture and let them back there, which would hopefully give them enough land that they couldn’t destroy it all. Until the goats build a much larger flamethrower, anyway. Not sure if we’ll be able to this year, though.

8/7 I really wish the goats would stop replacing sheep with Headless Ottomans Animated By The Darkest Forces Of Evil To Wander Around The Pasture And Make Snuffling Noises. Do they think we won’t notice?

8/7 I really wish the goats would stop replacing sheep with Headless Ottomans Animated By The Darkest Forces Of Evil To Wander Around The Pasture And Make Snuffling Noises. Do they think we won’t notice?

How did y'all get into farming? Any advice for someone who may want to farm in the future? Also, how can I prepare for the goat uprising?
Anonymous

We do not depend on income from the farm; we both do other contract work to pay the bills. We’re what my mother calls “gentleman farmers,” which is a very polite way to say “posers.” :) 

People on tumblr who - I think - depend on their farms for at least part of their income and probably have much better answers to this question include psychicsycophant, impulsivefarmer and naimhejeanne 

If you want Bad Advice From A Poser, I’m going to use a “Read More” cause it got reaaaaaaaaally long. Most likely because I had consumed entirely too much Somersby and was Drunkenly Quite Sure Everyone Needed To Read A Thousand Words Of My Inane Mutterings.

Read More

8/6 Soup-Nose does not quite understand what I mean when I threaten to make her a goat sandwich if she doesn’t stop biting my butt when I bend over to fix the bottom of the fence.
There’s been so little rain this summer, we’re worried the duck pond might dry out all the way, so the Blue Haired Girlfriend dug up the water lily and put it in a bucket of water.
On the other hand, the water-fern loves the swampy shallow water and muck and has been turning everything it can get its evil little roots on into more water-fern. It’s kinda creeping me out.

8/6 Soup-Nose does not quite understand what I mean when I threaten to make her a goat sandwich if she doesn’t stop biting my butt when I bend over to fix the bottom of the fence.

There’s been so little rain this summer, we’re worried the duck pond might dry out all the way, so the Blue Haired Girlfriend dug up the water lily and put it in a bucket of water.

On the other hand, the water-fern loves the swampy shallow water and muck and has been turning everything it can get its evil little roots on into more water-fern. It’s kinda creeping me out.