Lazy Evaluation Ranch
9/5 The Blue Haired Girlfriend rescued this huge and very fashionable dragonfly from one of the feral cats.
It’s probably coincidence that she bought a couple pairs of shimmery blue-grey pants the next day. I’m pretty sure “No taking fashion advice / hypnotic suggestions from insects” is #3 on the list of Lazy Evaluation House Rules, right below, “Plutonium is not an approved goat nutritional supplement.”

9/5 The Blue Haired Girlfriend rescued this huge and very fashionable dragonfly from one of the feral cats.

It’s probably coincidence that she bought a couple pairs of shimmery blue-grey pants the next day. I’m pretty sure “No taking fashion advice / hypnotic suggestions from insects” is #3 on the list of Lazy Evaluation House Rules, right below, “Plutonium is not an approved goat nutritional supplement.”

9/4 Hobbies for Goat Owners Who Are Also Terrible People: give your goat an entire apple. 

9/3 I’ve discovered a new species: the Sarcastic Water Lily, Nymphaea sarcasticus!

Its distinguishing characteristics include living in your pond for years and only making one flower ever in all that time and then one day you dig it out of the pond and stick it in a bucket and it makes five flowers in a week. “This is a really great bucket,” the flowers say, “so roomy. You sure know how to take good care of a water lily.”

Pests associated with the Sarcastic Water Lily include the Snark Aphid and the Hipster Water-Flea.

9/2 Here is a very good idea: plant a plum tree with purple leaves and purple plums. And then plant a plum tree with green leaves and green plums! It’s not like we ever want to, you know, find and collect all the plums, or anything. We’re clever like that.

Today we picked the green plums. I’d let them go too long, and lot of them were split and fit only for goats. And when I say, “I’d let them go too long,” what I really mean is, “The goats set up a time distortion field in the plum orchard.” Because obviously I’d never forget to pick the plums.

9/1 The Blue-Haired Girlfriend thinks slugs are “cute.” Even this one, which is clearly ARISING FROM THE DEPTHS OF THE UNDERWORLD TO DEVOUR MY SOUL. Look at it, sauntering on up from the endless abyss, with its soul-devouring orifice already open.
All hail our new slug overlords.

9/1 The Blue-Haired Girlfriend thinks slugs are “cute.” Even this one, which is clearly ARISING FROM THE DEPTHS OF THE UNDERWORLD TO DEVOUR MY SOUL. Look at it, sauntering on up from the endless abyss, with its soul-devouring orifice already open.

All hail our new slug overlords.

8/22 Tesseract has definitely not been eating blackberries. Nope nope nope. She was… inspecting them. To make sure they were free of mooses. Tiny blackberry-mooses bellowing at butterflies and head-butting bees.

8/21 First time I’ve ever gotten a decent picture of the fluffy white feral cat since we trapped her as a kitten and got her fixed. She’s wary of humans and has good hunting instincts.
Unlike the Small Grey Lump That Goes Meow, who recently attempted to catch and eat a hornet, and now his tongue is all swollen and he can’t close his mouth and is drooling on everything.

8/21 First time I’ve ever gotten a decent picture of the fluffy white feral cat since we trapped her as a kitten and got her fixed. She’s wary of humans and has good hunting instincts.

Unlike the Small Grey Lump That Goes Meow, who recently attempted to catch and eat a hornet, and now his tongue is all swollen and he can’t close his mouth and is drooling on everything.

8/20 Increasingly sure the Disgruntled VIking Chicken is plotting to KILL ALL HUMANS and EAT THEIR PANCAKES. Look at her sneaky expression!

8/20 Increasingly sure the Disgruntled VIking Chicken is plotting to KILL ALL HUMANS and EAT THEIR PANCAKES. Look at her sneaky expression!

8/19 Guess I’m gonna have to confiscate another goat-sized jetpack.

8/19 Guess I’m gonna have to confiscate another goat-sized jetpack.

8/18 Rained last night. Tiny mushroom this morning! 
Today we installed a new water filter for the well, because apparently it’s not normal to have so much iron in your water that your clothes come out of the washing machine faintly pink?
Got a hay delivery. I got a slightly lower quality hay than last time, because hay prices this year are nuts. The sheep can’t tell the difference, but the goats are 100% sure we’re trying to poison them and are standing on the hay feeder digging in the hay like, “okay, where did you hide the REAL food?”

8/18 Rained last night. Tiny mushroom this morning! 

Today we installed a new water filter for the well, because apparently it’s not normal to have so much iron in your water that your clothes come out of the washing machine faintly pink?

Got a hay delivery. I got a slightly lower quality hay than last time, because hay prices this year are nuts. The sheep can’t tell the difference, but the goats are 100% sure we’re trying to poison them and are standing on the hay feeder digging in the hay like, “okay, where did you hide the REAL food?”