2/15 So starting about now, we are supposed to get delicious maitake mushrooms on our inoculated storm-killed oak logs. Instead, we seem to have turkey tails. Lots of turkey tails. It is Metaphorical Poultry Butt Central in the mushroom cultivation area.
Today was miserably rainy. Not the usual “hey, there’s water in the air,” more like, “I… uh .. hope there’s air in this water somewhere.” Not even the opportunity to chew on important government documents was enough to convince the goats to come out of their shed. A wet peacock is even sadder than a wet hen; they look like someone glued a mop on a rubber chicken. At least the ducks were happy.
I think there’s always the same amount of happiness here at Lazy Evaluation Ranch. Either the ducks get to be happy, or all the rest of us do. I knew I shouldn’t have gotten Nega-Ducks.
2/14 Tesseract the Goat is Very Curious About Tools. She’ll pick up and carry off any shovels, rakes or gloves you leave lying around and stash them in the goat pasture. Today she was trying to steal the wheelbarrow while we were shoveling gravel to make a path for the sheep, which is how she ended up with this fashionable gravel coat.
2/13 Someday the Small Grey Lump That Goes Meow and Soup-Nose Trouble The Goat (every goat’s middle name is Trouble) will stop sniffing eachother cutely. Today is not that day.
I pruned the fig tree to open up the crown a little (we might have had a touch of fig rust last year) and attempted to root twenty cuttings by wrapping them in damp paper towels. I don’t know where we’d put twenty more fig trees, but that would be a problem we’d love to have. :)
2/12 Apologies to Jonathan Swift. And, you know, scansion and rhyme and good taste and other Mighty Intangible Forces It Is Not Wise To Piss Off Lest You Find Yourself On A Quest For The One True Word That Rhymes With Orange, Armed Only With A Particularly Pointed Metaphor Or Something:
So nat’ralists observe, a tree
Hath smaller trees that on him grow
And these have smaller trees to green ‘em
And so proceeds ad infineetem
2/11 The Small Grey Lump That Goes Meow’s brother (hiding under the barn next to the drainpipe) is terrified of the Large Bipedal Creatures That Took Him Have Some Organs Removed. I … don’t much blame him. I like having organs too. Spleens are a personal favorite. You can never have too many spleens, they’re like glitter for your rib cage!
With our one day of snow melted, everything is back to horrible swampy mud. We laid some more gravel in the sheep pasture, following the most torn up, squishy path, which mysteriously leads right to the hay feeder. Gee, I wonder why that is.
2/10 You can’t prove I didn’t take down my midwinter holiday decorations and feed them to delighted sheep until February tenth. What a crazy accusation. I scoff, I chortle.
What, this tree?
It came from, uh, a Singing Tree-O-Gram. It’s the newest trend in obnoxious musical communication. Yes. Totally plausible.
2/9 Mysterious Fluffy White Stuff, woot! I hear it’s called “Snoo” or something.
Soup-Nose the Goat loves the Mysterious Fluffy White Stuff, because it weighs down the tree branches until she can chew on them.
Soup-Nose the Goat hates the Mysterious Fluffy White Stuff, because if you are chewing on a branch piled high with it, it will fall off onto your nose and make you sneeze.
This is the nature of Soup-Noses.
2/8 Snow! It snowed tonight! I went to check on the sheep, who were sleeping in the pasture with snow piled cutely on top of them. Got this picture of light pooling around the wellhouse.
2/7 Small Grey Lump That Goes Meow: still not sure about these Massive Milkbeasts. Massive Milkbeasts: still not sure about a Small Grey Lump That Goes Meow.
Tesseract has figured out that the Small Grey Lump That Goes Meow is stealing what are obviously her rightful pettings. If she sees anyone petting the Small Grey Lump, she runs over and tries to bite his tail. However, lacking binocular vision, she is really bad at it. I keep hearing this loud chomp noise, and then I look over, and see that Tess has bitten the air vaguely near the Small Grey Lump. Yeah! That’ll show him!
The ice blocking the well conduit has melted! We have running water! I had a shower! You can all stop using Tumblr Savior to block those smells I’ve been posting. :P
2/6 A couple days ago, we saw the Viking Chicken staring into the duck pond like, “What is that? And can I eat it?” Which is how we knew the salamanders had decided it was Have Marathon Days-Long Sex And Lay Eggs Everywhere Time a couple weeks early this year.
Unfortunately, we had a late cold snap, and the salamanders were stuck under the ice. I’m not sure if they can go back into hibernation?
The Blue-Haired Girlfriend broke a bunch of salamander breathing holes in the ice by dropping a 30 kilogram fencepole on the pond repeatedly, which resulted in this lovely ice-crack full of rainbows.
I really thought we’d get through this year without a single hard freeze.